Only a mothe r could love this liver
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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