Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
