Fine. I'll sleep in my office
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Randomize
