Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
