Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
