Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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