i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
