$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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