I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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