he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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