Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
