Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
