we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
