if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
