Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
