I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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