This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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