I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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