i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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