Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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