I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
