Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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