I wish you could order shots online.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
