Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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