can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
