she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
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