Who wears a wallet chain?!
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Randomize
