I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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