I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
