He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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