Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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