I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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