i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
