fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
