I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
