she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
i've created a new STD.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
