I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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