I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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