He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
