you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
