You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
