Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
