Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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