I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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