Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
