well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
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There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
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I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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