you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
