i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
This house was built for laser tag.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
