I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
