Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
