Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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