I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
