I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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