what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
