you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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