I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
