Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
