im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Randomize
