I met the friendliest cop last night
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
