you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
