we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
