just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
