Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
