I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
